Micah remembers the first time he viewed sexually-explicit material. He was with some friends. One of them had a magazine he found at home hidden in the garage. It was full of arousing images of women. Micah remembers how he was awash with both excitement and guilt. He soon found himself fantasizing about those images and also scheming ways that he might be able to view more of them.
Pornography is sexually explicit material that degrades and dehumanizes men and women for the purpose of sexual self-gratification. These days it comes in many forms. The most prolific venue is the internet. It provides a myriad of content one can view anonymously. Much of it is also free of charge.
Pornography makes promises it cannot deliver. It promises sex without consequences. Porn promises to be harmless. It also promises to satisfy. Those are empty promises. There are serious consequences to regular consumption of pornography. There are physical, emotional, and spiritual consequences.
Over time, pornography loses its ability to satisfy. The desire to view porn intensifies, however. The craving for more leads a person to seek out more risky behavior and risqué material. This can lead to inter-relational problems. It breaks heart and severs engagements. Emotional and sexual intimacy between spouses is diminished. Prolonged use of pornography can lead to further sexual additions and pathology. Instead of leaving a person satisfied, pornography most often leaves a person feeling empty, guilty, shamed, and even depressed. Above all, pornography ruins the bond of love and commitment the Lord intended to exist in marriage.
Sexual sins are never static. Like all sin, sexual ones progress and draw people further away from God’s design for love. Many people feel that porn is innocent and not really sex. And so, people will use it to reward themselves. People will seek porn to relax or to unwind after a long day.
The Bible is very clear that pornography is a sexual sin. Sex is meant to be a beautiful expression of love in marriage. Satan tries to distort and destroy that gift. The reality is that pornography always hurts. It always lies. And it is never secret or anonymous. People think they can hide parts of themselves from others. Nothing is hidden from Christ, however. Not even sexual sin escapes his sight. The Bible tells us as much:
I am he who searches the minds and hearts. And I will give to each one of you according to your works. Revelation 2:23
That should be enough to make us flee from such temptations. Our flesh is weak, however. We all make bad choices and those choices lead to sad consequences.
It is important to know the triggers that lead to unhealthy choices. Avoid internet platforms that promote pornography. Do not use electronic devices in private. Install accountability software. Remember HALT.
H – hungry
A – angry
L – lonely
T – tired
Recognize those triggers. Be intentional and seek out someone to be an accountability partner to encourage healthy choices. It is best this is not a spouse or significant other. And be honest. The path of healing from sexual sin is to practice disclosure. This is how healing and forgiveness begins. At the heart of sexual sin is betrayal. Trust has been broken. Honesty is the first step in healing broken trust. Be honest. Be open. Confess and disclose your unhealthy sexual behavior with your partner. And disclose to your Savior. While Jesus already knows your sin, he is always ready to forgive them.
Remember you are loved. Sexual sin is forgiven sin. Jesus’ blood cancels out all sin. He sees and knows you. And still, he loves you.
Jesus will hold hope for you as he heals you to hold hope in yourself. And that takes time. Identify your spouse’s love languages. Speak to those languages in deliberate ways with sincere action. Trust is built gradually. As you speak in those love languages, you are speaking directly to the trust that has been betrayed. Betrayal needs time to be healed. Words + Actions + Time = Rebuilt trust. Trust is rebuilt slower than we want, but always faster than we deserve.
Above all, trust that Christ is your Savior. Find forgiveness in his promise and strength in his presence. He will not leave you alone. He will feed you with his promised love. He will calm your troubled hearts. His presence combats your loneliness. And his forgiveness provides peace to tired, guilty hearts.
So, H.A.L.T. Jesus is the healing salve to all those needs.
Prayer
Jesus, I am dealing with pain over sexual sin. You promise to be with me. I trust in you. Help me to stand firm and to find freedom from the power that pornography holds over my impulses and choices. Amen.
This short read (90 pages), From Dirty To Dancing (God’s Grace for Those Struggling With Pornography) by Conquerors through Christ Chairman Mike Novotny is a helpful and honest approach to a subject that is often overlooked in Christian circles. Mike shares his own journey with purity, redirects the reader back to Christ, and shares concrete steps for those struggling as well as for friends, parents, and ministry leaders.
Sex Is Not The Problem (Lust Is) may be one of the best books on the market today to help us counsel people in our struggle against the enslavement of sexual sin. It is especially useful for people who are under age 25. It is good not just because of its practical advice, but because of the stress which the author, Joshua Harris, usually gives to the Grace of God. The Gospel shines forth throughout most of this book in a way that is not found in many of the other books on the subject of sexual sin.
In this self-published little book, Porn and You, author John Wong goes into a helpful discussion of pornography. He divides his discussion into two parts. The first part deals with what porn is and its harmful effect on you, your relationships to your children, spouse, and, just as importantly, your attitude towards women in general. Part Two takes one through the evaluation of whether you have an addiction to porn. Then Mr. Wong goes into a discussion of how to break free from this addiction. Lastly he concludes with a brief listing of on-line resources that one might find useful.
This book is a serious, thorough resource for women struggling with sexual addiction. It gives a realistic view of the problems of women’s addiction, noting the ways it differs from men’s. In the book, No Stones: Women Redeemed from Sexual Addiction, Marnie Ferree doesn’t offer quick fixes but she does guide the reader toward hope and recovery.
This book attempts to cover sexual and emotional issues effecting women. It’s easy to read and deals with sound principles based on Scripture. The book emphasizes that women struggle with sexual sins just as men do, but in different ways. The author points to the daily need to fight to live as children of God.
The book begins by defining abuse as “not necessarily physical.” Emotional abuse can be just as damaging – and at times more so. Ethicist Wolfgang Huber argues that “violence is better defined as the intent to hurt or torture, more than physical injury. Violence is the unrelenting assault on human dignity.”
WHY A BOOK LIKE THIS for a Christian Library?
One of the great difficulties the church faces in talking about sex is the pervasive attitude that the only real barriers to sex are age and consent. Thus the only way to sin sexually is to have sex with someone who is unwilling or underage, or to have sex with one person while there is still a commitment to another. Even then, we don’t call it “adultery,” we call it “cheating;” the same word we use for not following a diet or the rules of a game. This leads to another difficulty we face: we always seem to approach sex as a list of “don’ts” rather than as a gift God gives to the married.
I like this book very much. The author begins with the story of her experience with an abusive husband, followed by involvement with men who have various sexual addictions, and how the Lord led her even when she did not know or desire it.