Porn and You

Porn and YouIn this self-published little book, Porn and You, author John Wong goes into a helpful discussion of pornography. He divides his discussion into two parts. The first part deals with what porn is and its harmful effect on you, your relationships to your children, spouse, and, just as importantly, your attitude towards women in general. Part Two takes one through the evaluation of whether you have an addiction to porn. Then Mr. Wong goes into a discussion of how to break free from this addiction. Lastly he concludes with a brief listing of on-line resources that one might find useful.

He encourages “meaningful engagement with our children on topics of human sexuality.”

In Part One Mr. Wong goes into a detailed discussion of “how porn harms” you in a variety of ways (psychologically, physically [Did you know that you can ‘break’ your penis?], and relationally). He also delves into the sordid and harmful issue of child porn, sexting and non-mainstream sexual behavior. He includes a plea to protect children by parents monitoring their child’s internet use. He encourages “meaningful engagement with our children on topics of human sexuality.” (p. 41)

Mr. Wong also deals with the harm it does to the performers of porn — a topic I have seldom heard discussed. The author quotes a number of “performers” and brings to life the very real harm that was done to them, both male and female.

In Part Two, “How to go porn free”, Mr. Wong spells out how to tell if you have an addiction to porn and if you do, he gives a number of helpful directions to free oneself from this addiction.

Throughout this little book Mr. Wong provides footnotes that are informative and enhances the point he is trying to make. For instance on page 47, he gives a footnote that identifies a book written by a former porn star, Jenna Jameson, and from which he pulls a lengthy quote. In addition the numerous quotes from a variety of people bring the harm of porn to life.

One thing lacking (from a Christian perspective) is the absence of Scriptural references. But then again, Mr. Wong, makes no specific references to God’s morality as a reason to seek release from porn’s addiction. He argues instead from the perspective of the psychological and physical harm that is done. All in all anyone will find this book informative and helpful.

Reviewer: Rev. John F. Boehringer
Review Date: February 2015

No Stones

No StonesThis book is a serious, thorough resource for women struggling with sexual addiction. It gives a realistic view of the problems of women’s addiction, noting the ways it differs from men’s. In the book, No Stones: Women Redeemed from Sexual Addiction, Marnie Ferree doesn’t offer quick fixes but she does guide the reader toward hope and recovery.

“When we experience enough grace from human hands, we begin to trust that God also extends his grace.”

This book is not an “easy read” but rather is to be used as a study guide or textbook for sessions. Each chapter ends with questions for reflection or small group discussions.

The book’s structure is made up of three parts:

  • Part 1: The Problem – Women Caught in Adultery- Secret Sin – Definition of Addiction- Consequences and Cycles of Addiction- Diagnosis of sexual Addiction.
  • Part 2: The Root- Sins of the Fathers and Mothers- Unhealthy Families- Trauma of Abuse and Abandonments Long-Lasting Effects- Addicts’ Core Beliefs, Emotions, and Coping
  • Part 3: The Solution – Woman at the Well –Surrender and Sobriety –Disclosure – Healthy Relationships and Rebuilding Trust – Tools of Recovery – Healing From Trauma- For Husbands (and others including clinicians) -12 Steps of Sexaholics Anonymous.

The author uses Law and Gospel throughout the book – the Law to point to the sins and God’s voice on sexual addiction, the gospel showing God’s grace in that he does not condemn. To those “caught in adultery” (as the woman brought to Jesus) we see that the condemners must put down stones of condemnation and offer a way out. Even the Master said, “Neither do I condemn you.” (John 8:11)

In some areas of her book, Marnie Ferree broadens her interpretation of what Scripture says to fit the situation she’s describing. Careful reading would be encouraged. This book provides information for a pastor or counselor who is supporting women as for help with this problem.

No Stones: Women Redeemed From Sexual Addiction

By Marnie C. Ferree

Forward by Mark Laaser,Ph.D.
Publishing Information: InterVarsity Press : First Edition 2002, Second Edition 2010

Reviewer: Muriel Mathey
Review Date: April 2015

Every Woman's Battle

Every Woman's BattleThis book attempts to cover sexual and emotional issues effecting women. It’s easy to read and deals with sound principles based on Scripture. The book emphasizes that women struggle with sexual sins just as men do, but in different ways. The author points to the daily need to fight to live as children of God.

“The only reliable standard we can use to measure our thoughts to determine if they are appropriate or inappropriate is God’s Word.”

The book is divide into three parts:

  • Part 1: Understanding Where We Are – Not just man’s battle, Sexual integrity, Seven Myths that intensify the struggle, time for a revolution
  • Part 2: Designing a New Defense – Taking thoughts captive, Guarding your heart, Locking loose lips, Building better boundaries
  • Part 3: Embracing Victory in Retreat – Sweet surrender, Rebuilding bridges, Retreating with the Lord, All quiet on the home front

I particularly appreciated that she began and ended each chapter with Scripture passages that applied. “The only reliable standard we can use to measure our thoughts to determine if they are appropriate or inappropriate is God’s Word.”

Reading this book would be beneficial to singles, divorced, widowed or married women. Men, also, would benefit from reading the book to gain insight into women’s battles and how they differ from men.

Every Woman’s Battle: Discovering God’s Plan for Sexual and Emotional Fullfillment by Shannon Ethridge

Forward and afterward by Stephen Arterburn
Publishing Information: Alive Communications, Inc. Colorado Springs, CO

Reviewer: Muriel Manthey,
Review Date: March 2015

Is it my fault?

Is it my fault?The book begins by defining abuse as “not necessarily physical.” Emotional abuse can be just as damaging – and at times more so. Ethicist Wolfgang Huber argues that “violence is better defined as the intent to hurt or torture, more than physical injury. Violence is the unrelenting assault on human dignity.”

“Your situation does not fall outside God’s reach of transformation.”

This book is meant for:

  • Victims and Survivors of Abuse
  • Pastors and Ministry Leaders
  • Friends and Family of the Abused
  • Women in General

While the authors indicate that there are men who are abused by their partners, they are a great minority. Thus the book is written to females, though males can certainly gain insight into the problems as victims as well.

This book is well written and very comforting in its understanding of the effects of violence, physical, sexual and emotional, on women. The authors insist throughout the book that only the abuser is at fault – that it is never the fault of the abused. They continue to assure that God has not abandoned the abused – that God sees and recognizes their pain and will help.

Since, often, the abuser will say that the woman is to “submit” to her husband, using a Biblical concept as an excuse to justify the continued violence, this book points to Bible passages and looks at what Jesus has to say about women, and what God has to say about suffering.

The Bible indicates that there is no virtue in enduring suffering if no greater good is at stake. We are not created to suffer. Examples given are Noah ,the Patriarchs, David, Israel at the times of the Judges, Esther, Paul, and even Jesus. Jesus walked away from people who wanted to stone him. David ran from Saul. The entire book of Judges is about suffering and getting away from it by the actions of God. God will often provide a way to escape from violence by normal, natural means. “Your situation does not fall outside God’s reach of transformation. God delivers, but sometimes the deliverance we hope for does not arrive as quickly as we’d like. Therefore….our hope is in the promise of deliverance. We can look to the future and the final deliverance with the return of Christ and we can actively position ourselves to avoid violence that is avoidable.” (p.124)

I would recommend this book to victims as well as counselors and pastors for insight as the depth of fear that can hold a victim in its grasp.

Is It My Fault? by Justin S. & Lindsey A. Holcomb

Reviewer: Joan Garrity
Review Date: September 2015